@handofdog
What you're describing to me reminds me of a lot of things you drew, particularly this one:
https://www.newgrounds.com/art/view/handofdog/21-you-can-tell-me-anything
I'll tell you, it's really good that you started taking care of yourself. It's actually, the best thing we can do, taking care of ourselves. So please don't stop.
"There is a fault in being nice because people take it as an invitation to do whatever they want to you."
Still, the fault doesn't come from you. Really, people can find an infinite of reasons to hurt people. "They deserved it" "I didn't knew" "wasn't on purpose" "they were too kind" "they were too this" "too that". They will just whatever excuse fit the situation. It's not your fault.
Also, manipulation is nothing more than bait and switch. Like what you described in the "You can tell me anything" drawing. Some only act nice. But as I wrote earlier, we can't enter someone's heart/head. Once again, it's not your fault.
I understand that after all your experiences with men (and women) make you fear the worst, but fearing and fearing is very unhealthy. You know that. We all know that. It hurt.
But obviously, I don't know what hurt more : fearing that any of your actions will be brought against you, or fearing that the person you're putting your trust on is just lying and manipulating. I don't know.
But what i know for sure is that it's useless to try to understand the wicked. That's the thing with them : they don't think. There's no "why". It can be perverts, racists, bullies, rapists, harassers, thieves, and whatever goddamn action the human being can do. They do it because they can. That's all.
Think about what you do for taking care of yourself.
Don't give up. After all, what are you giving up on? Your kindness? Your art? Your? Your? Why does it always have to be something that belong to you?
Again, don't give up. Stop trying to understand them. Know that there's kind people out there. People who are peaceful and understanding. Both men and women.
It might be difficult to believe it after what you're going through, but that's the thing : you shouldn't give up.
SouSTAR
You're not disgusting and it's okay if you don't want to interact. There's no fault in being nice.
Who is "they"? Is someone harassing you? Or do you fear someone's going to harass you?
If it's someone who's actively harassing online, you can block him and report him to the mods, or even Fulp himself (i think)
If it's fear, well, we never know who's we're truly talking to. Even irl, we can't get inside someone's head or heart.
I don't know what you're going through, or if someone is stalking you right now, but just know that it's not your fault. As far as I know, you haven't done or said anything wrong/offensive/harming on this site. And you really seem like a nice person.
Also, protecting/defending oneself isn't being "mean".
We hope the best for you, it's always okay to take a pause from drawing, writing, the internet, or whatever is tiring you out. :)
handofdog (Updated )
*And there is no one stalking me, I just feel like there will be because I'm a perfect loser candidate, men targeted before because they knew I'm isolated and too socially retarded to pick on manipulation. There is a fault in being nice because people take it as an invitation to do whatever they want to you. "They" is men, every man since childhood. I'm not talking about anyone on Newgrounds because at least I'm smart enough to protect myself here and learn from my mistakes. I hate it, I just always still feel like a target because I'm isolated and easily manipulated, I never had friends, I had no female friends because they all think I'm a social awkward retard and women don't like being near women they deem as weird. So I didn't learn any self preservation skills, just intimidation. I always trusted and believed adult men if they were even slightly nice to me because all men just made themselves TERRIFYING to me. I don't get why guys get mad that I'm scared of them when they purposely used fear and intimidation and their strength against me. How am I not supposed to be scared when I'm directly being told I should be afraid?
And I really was doing well, I started taking care of myself and moved on. I didn't feel eager to please anyone anymore but I thought it would be safe to talk to a man if it was from a distance online (before I made this newgrounds account). He was really nice and patient with me because I told him my issues and fears with men and how I hate touching and sex. But even after all that he admits he masturbated to me and then I find out he is just another sex pest, anyway. And he knew I was traumatized from things like that and it just traumatizes itself again. I hate it, I hate it, I hate. I hate that other women don't like me, I hate that interacting with men will lead to sexual things. I don't want to ever have sex, I don't want to touch a penis, so there, I have made myself unusable to men. I am unmarketable, I am never going to marry.