Something I think about...the vast majority of media we consume is written, drawn, or dictated by men. While I very much do enjoy the works I can find by them, it takes a lot of curating and wading through, on my part, to find something I resonate with. I feel a great sense of alienation in this world because of that.
For the most part, we are subjected to repeated viewings of pornographic imagery, strange, brutalization, gratuitous torture and rape scenes done to women, "actresses", to the point it's seen as typical or rather normal. Lots of scared, pained faces. I rarely find, in eroticism, a depiction where the woman is actually enjoying it.
Male characters are rarely ever drawn, or male actors are given the dignity of not having explicitly shown, drawn out scenes because men know it is uncomfortable to view themselves like that (do they know it is uncomfortable for women to view ourselves like that, too?). After so long, I can't help but feel that in everything, there is some sexual gratification to be had when the victim is a woman, but true horror when the victim is a man. The voyeuristic aspect is admitted in a poem like Punishment by Seamus Heaney, and is the very reason why I dislike the poem. Despite being "self-aware" about it, he and others like him still derive pleasure out of seeing women that way; evident in the descriptiveness of the state of her body, and the flippant, justifications of their violence. Nothing has been learned from reading it. Well, anyway, that is my reaction to it from a female perspective.
Now, even though I have used elements of horror and gore with women, there isn't a feeling of hypocrisy, guilt or sexual pleasure from me in depicting these things. Although, it would be rather nice to not have a reason to do it at all, horror and gore are very real parts of growing up as a girl. At certain times, it will be the only thing I relate to, or the only catharsis for my emotions. As I understand my own reasoning for it, I'm comforted by relating to and finding that shared experience within other women who are so drawn to things like gore, macabre/horror imagery. I am already conscious of not depicting it in a salacious manner in any way, as I have no reason for that, but I am also aware I can not control how another views it.
---
But I am curious about others in relation to something like At-tan, other media, and the world in general. Specifically speaking in how it relates to your gender, as a man or woman. What sort of effects, since it is mainly to do with sex and sexuality, a permanent interest and issue of mine.
There's no judgement. And it will have no changes on my story, as that is set and done. I'd be interested to read only. So, can you please tell me how you feel?
